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Experience: The Emergency

Flying at 7,500 in a tiny Cessna 150, seven miles from the airport over the burning Mojave Desert, the last thing I wanted to hear was my engine shutting down. The plane began to fall like a rock in the thin 115-degree heat as I scrambled to maneuver my way to safety. My girlfriend turned to me in horror, “Is everything OK?” Somehow, I was able to muster, rather calmly that, “yes, it will be OK.”

For a number of reasons, the word “integrity” was the last thing on my mind at that moment back in 1986.  But over time, this word began to mean more than my surface understanding implied. It can even mean the difference between life and death, although not always in the short term. I learned the deeper meaning of integrity can have a huge impact over the arc of one’s life.

Relevance: Responsibility

While I used to think of integrity as synonymous with honesty, the second dictionary definition, “…the state of being whole or undivided,” speaks to an often-overlooked range of possibility in our lives.

When I say possibility, this in itself represents quite a change of mind.  In my younger years, having integrity seemed to point to being a bit difficult, inspiring perhaps a sense of obligation or extra effort. While this may be true, what we often don’t talk about is the cost of being out of integrity. That is sometimes hard to see in the short run.

Say for instance that you didn’t take as much time as you should have planning your 300-knot course from Ridgecrest, CA to Moffett Field. Sure, the headings and checkpoints may be OK but what about winds and fuel management? Did you notice that after fueling up at your destination, you only had a gallon and a half left? Good God, you knew that that is exactly the amount of unusable fuel in a Cessna 150. That would have meant that you arrived on fumes without admitting it. Did you also forget that you had a 12-knot tailwind in your favor? Or did you just figure the universe owed you this stroke of luck. Why waste any time reviewing potentially life-saving lessons you might have learned when there are more exciting and entertaining things to do? After all, we just arrived in a new place and deserve to have some fun.

When a ship sets out to sea, a course is set and navigation begins. The ship’s captain sets and maintains the course so the ship remains “in integrity” with regard to going where it has said it was going to go.

Now consider the “deeper” integrity necessary for this mission to be successful. What if we were to inspect the bowels of the ship to make sure there weren’t any leaks. After all, leaks will likely slow down our progress if not literally sink our efforts if they get worse during our journey.

Do we have enough supplies (fuel, oil, parts, etc.) to maintain the mechanical function of the ship en route? Do we have enough supplies (food, first aid, waste handling, etc.) to maintain the health of the crew during the voyage? Is the ship tidy such that any unnecessary materials have been discarded so as not to present extra weight or hazards? How is the crew getting along? Do they have a good stock of respect and mutual support in case things get iffy during the trip?

Practice: Integrity in Action. Integrity (wholeness) is available in multiple dimensions all of the time:

1. Inner Self: Do you have your inner and outer house in order? Do you treat yourself like you would treat a respected friend? That means are you well fed with healthy sustenance, getting good rest, enjoying time doing what you like with those you enjoy? Do you take quiet time for yourself to meditate, reflect…to just be?
2. Outer Self: Do you do your best in all of your efforts, both personal and professional, as if everyone was watching? Do you treat your outer environment (home and earth) as if you were preparing it for people you care about?
3. Society: Do you do give your share of responsibility to each of the systems of which you are a part? Because a ship with only 3 of it’s 4 engines running will not be all it was designed to be. Where can you extend compassion where you might be experiencing rancor? Where can you share the light of your honest experience where others may turn a blind eye?

Maybe you are so exhausted and spent just keeping your head above water that this all sounds like a pipedream. If so, my heart goes out to you. Your circumstances may be grim due to no fault of your own. Still, where can you patch a leak, just a little one, to take some measure of control in your situation

I’ve found that when I seek and maintain integrity, life simply works better. Good things come to me in their good time and the unforeseen difficulties don’t seem to be all that much of a struggle. In fact, if I choose to take 100% responsibility for all my experience, I have opened for myself an incredible range of possible actions in response to any situation. More on this in a future article.

Experience: The Lie

Rushing around in the car one day, it hit me: I wasn’t telling the truth and it was draining my energy like a sieve. When I missed the traffic light, I hit the steering wheel and shouted. When the store I visited was closed, my blood pressure rose. I kept pushing myself to get more things done in the same amount of time. Rather than slow down to make sure things were done correctly, I cut corners (sometimes literally) and did a shoddy job. Driving while eating, I squirted sauce on my pants and the car seat. This meant I had clean up to do which took me even more time. My plan to get lots of stuff checked off my list was not working. And it was making me mad, creating a mess, and causing delays.  I was lying to myself by wanting things to be different than they actually were.

Relevance: Net Gain

We are taught to “tell the truth” as if it is a chore or like taking bitter medicine. After sharing the truth, we slink into the corner waiting for something bad to happen to us. But what if telling the truth increases our power? What if there is a net gain rather than a perceived net loss? There is a profound truth about telling the truth: it builds courage,  clears mental clutter, and raises our level of authenticity. Truth telling is a NET GAIN!

Confronting a mistruth forces us to come face to face with something that is out balance. For most of us, we want to be right and to control our lives. It is easy to tell a convenient mistruth to help make things easier or faster. The cost is that we actually move a little off balance. We reinforce a habit of turning away from what is right in front of us. We retreat into fantasy rather than find the strength to sit in what may not fit the plan or our pre-loaded answers. We may have made a mistake, overlooked something, or caused harm. When we fess-up, we admit to not having it all figured out. This builds a powerful muscle that allows us to weather the storm a bit stronger next time. We are more resilient and responsive in the moment.

Practicing truth telling also clears mental baggage. If you’ve ever held on to a lie or a secret, you know that it takes energy to withhold. Off loading allows us to clean the dark corners and untidy surfaces of our past. That’s why you actually feel lighter, emotionally and even physically, when you share a truth. Truth telling builds authenticity and integrity because you have greater capacity and function.  You are more powerful the closer you are to the truth.

Practice:  Inhabiting the truth

Pause for impact. If you feel out of balance, frustrated, or anxious, take a moment to pause and reflect on this question: What lie am I telling myself right now? It’s amazing what you will share with yourself! Once you get an answer, now you can act on it.

Clean it up. Rather than wait for tomorrow to share the truth, do it right now. If you can’t do it immediately, as an example, commit yourself by sending a quick email saying that you want to find a time to talk with the person. The main thing is not to wait. Training yourself this way, you begin to inhabit the truth rather than procrastinate.

Sweeping room to room. A game I like to play is not leaving messes in the house throughout the day. If I dirty a plate then I take 10 seconds to clean it and put it on the rack to dry. If I drop something, I pick it up right then and there rather than coming back later. Doing this is a way to develop your integrity muscle because you deal with things as they happen in the moment. Try out the game for yourself: sweep from room to room. You will be more powerfully in the NOW, closer to the truth!

Experience:   Out of Whack

I’ve been feeling quite out of sorts lately. With daily accounts of anger, hatred, and violence across the country, it has been like standing in the middle of a cultural hurricane. And it hasn’t just been the news. Friends and family are swept up in the national story. Nearly every personal exchange I have begins with COVID-19, civil unrest, elections, climate change, or the economy. It is as if I and everyone else is free falling, groping in the dark, and wondering where to turn for answers.  Not a surprise that my mind is distracted and agitated.

This distraction has taken its toll on my normal, daily rhythms. Time has a weird bend to it and I find it sometimes difficult to motivate myself to do what was once easy or normal. Because, I say to myself often, nothing feels normal or easy. The hours can pass, but my work and tasks don’t seem to flow like they once did. People I would see daily are stuck inside. Work meetings are now remote and distanced. Passers by on the street move away to the other side. It all feels strange. On some days, even with great attention, each step I take seems like walking in heavy snow. I labor forward, with extra effort. I am out of whack.

Relevance: Convergence

There is a great convergence taking place right now in the United States, perhaps in the world. A number of forces are coming together that will shape our future as a human species for years to come. Convergence happens when possibilities have been explored and conversations come to a decision or action point.  It is a time of reckoning and choice. The November elections are but one of these choice points. We can see actions on subjects from climate change, racial equity, economic disparity, and more coming to a head. It is the “fierce urgency of now” that Martin Luther King Jr. described in 1963.

Allowing yourself to stand in the zone of convergence is  like being in a wild place. It is a space where answers are not yet formed. It is a place where destruction and darkness collide with brightness and hope. A time of convergence is painful, confusing, and the results are by their nature not knowable. You just have no idea of what will take place. It is unsettling. It is a WILD place.

Practice: Birthing the New

Here are some steps to take to be completely engaged with WILD convergence:

Total Attention – As understandable as it may be to want this to be over with, wild places of convergence require our complete and utter attention. It is like giving birth. There will be contractions and pain. There will be moments when we want to turn away. If we don’t pay complete attention to what is going on, however,  we will miss mysterious and subtle opportunities that show up. Be on the look out for glorious surprises and strange and wonderful possibilities. You have to be in the game to win!

Take Action – Small actions can seem pointless. But any action you take makes a difference because it multiplies geometrically with other people’s actions. Show up to a talk. Give money or time to things you believe in. Reach out to a neighbor or friend you haven’t seen in a while. Action leads to more action.

Breathe – Make sure you take extra time for breathing and grounding. This is the exact time when slowing down and deepening your breath into your belly is critical. Take at least 15 minutes each day paying focused attention to your breath. Breath brings you and others to life; birthing the new.

Experience:  Glint in Our Eyes

In the middle of the city lay wildness…ready to be discovered. Starting mid-March my friend Darin Eich and I made a pact: in the face of COVID-19, we would get outside to stay connected and engaged.  And we would do it by priming our spirit of adventure on a walk through nature.

Regularly, we meet at a sprawling city park on the edge of a planned forest called the Arboretum. It is deliciously intertwined with marshes, ponds, walking trails, and tall shrubs. It’s the kind of place where you can step out of the urban vibe 100 feet into the experience. Randomly, we choose our route and see where it leads; each time exploring new terrain. We weave into our conversation tales of innovation, new projects, and what future possibilities can look like in our work or life. The mood lifts as we live into a metaphor by twisting and turning through the unknown. Just like we are doing in this very uncertain time.

After our hike, we exit somewhere along the urban corridor but we can never quite tell where in advance. More than a few times, we are surprised at an odd passageway or weird twist that takes us into new territory. Yet we make it back with a newly forged glint in our eyes.

Relevance: Students of Wildness

The entire human world is off balance right now, as we all know too well. Daily, we struggle to find our way through what was once familiar. Restaurants, roads, services, jobs, friends, and family all are intimately affected.

Taking a walk through nature wakes us up to the dynamic, wild nature of life of which we are a part. It is ALIVE with the messy, uneasy dance of natural things. Birds jostle for food. Ants rebuild their tunnels. Trees renew and then release their leaves. It’s a rich community beset by constant change and continuous reframing. To be in this space fills us with the reality that everything, including us, is in flux. We are not immune from it no matter how much we try. In this way, we witness and may be grateful students of wildness.

Practice: Wandering

Here are some ideas for adventuring into the unknown, wildness of nature:

Take a one hour walk. Luckily for many of us, nature trails are close by even in big cities like Chicago, Minneapolis, and Phoenix. Find a place that has wandering trails not just a grassy park. If you run out of room or it becomes too familiar over time, find a new place to explore! Enter every path with the wide-open spirit of wonder.

Plan a day-long adventure. Local parks and natural areas sometimes are too small for serious adventuring. You need to get in a car or bike to find them. Check out your county, state, and federal parks. They are treasures to be found.

Wander for longer. If you need a bigger recharge, consider setting out on a multi-day wandering. There are trails that cross counties near hotels or homes for rent. You can always be bolder and stay in a tent or camper. The idea is to reach out more widely to discover whole new vistas. These can rekindle and enliven our perspectives about what is possible, how small we are, and the wisdom of natural things.

Experience: The Still, Small Circle

There I was, alone on the side of a mountain at 8,000 feet with nothing but the clothes on my back, a sleeping bag, a tarp, and four gallons of water, confined within a circle ten feet in diameter. It was August, 1999 and I had submitted myself to a  traditional Native American vision quest that would last four days.

I was among 14 other sojourners led by a wise couple who had led many such quests for people like us. People seeking to see through the layers of domesticated comfort. Layers that form an invisible veli that tend to blind us to our natural instincts, intelligence, and connection to Earth and Spirit.

Laying in my circle gazing up at the cloudy blue sky, one of the first insights that dawned on me was just how much I needed this. Being plugged into the endless hamster wheel of thinking and doing while strapped to a desk and staring at a screen  inside an artificial environment, it’s easy to forget what’s real. By choosing to slow down and  literally plant my body onto the earth in the quiet stillness of nature naturally invited my inner stillness…my true nature to the fore. This felt right. It felt good, wholesome, and healing. So many amazing things happened during those four days that live on in my memory and in my orientation to life. 

Relevance: Perspective grows in silence

Intentions are invitations. I went into this circle armed only with my intention. I was told that this intention would probably be rendered meaningless in the circle given the radical shift in perspective that I’d likely gain upon leaving it. I found this to be pretty much true. Still, I recognized that setting an intention does tend to open our hearts and minds to be receptive enough to receive new perspectives as they become available.

Your nature is Nature. The biggest shift my perspective is difficult to describe as it was less conceptual than it was contextual. Let’s just say that I felt like a person coming into nature when I entered the circle. Coming out of it, I felt that I was nature. While some of the things I experienced in that circle might be described by a rational mind as psychotic or at least imaginary. I can tell you that my connection with Earth and Life became more real and visceral than I had ever experienced before. It hurt to return to my normal life in a house.

Application: Space and Time

Space inside is reflected on the outside. During a time when we’ve all been forced to withdraw from our typical frenetic pace, take time daily to embrace the stillness within by sitting still and being quiet, preferably outside among living things. This stillness contains so much that you didn’t know you were looking for.

Shake off information for more perspective. We are so conditioned to look for more data when we are confused or need to make an important decision. Sometimes, it’s not more input that is needed. Often all that’s needed is the space and time for the best action to bubble up, simply to be seen. Give yourself the gift of space and time regularly to invite rather than force the guidance you’re looking for.

Experience:  Death-day, Birthday

The month of May brings me to tears. Within the first two weeks, we celebrate both my father’s death-day as well as his birthday. He would have been 85 years old this month. Since his passing, I have marked these occasions by lighting a candle, looking at pictures, and sharing stories with loved ones. It helps to keep the memories alive. Nearly every year though I find myself resisting the strong emotions welling up. I brace myself to hold back a BIG wave of complex feelings rolling over. The tears eventually ripple through my body and let loose like a dam breaking. As the tears fall, I feel an intense release that leaves my chest and heart wide open. Why do I resist the tears?

The whole thing is messy. My shirt gets wet, eyes turn red, and I have this castaway look as if I’ve just washed up onshore. My stress is unleashed from head to toe in a mysterious cleansing action. In the aftermath comes the mop-up. I wash my face, blow my nose, and breathe a lot of deep breaths. This messy crying stuff is a lot of extra work in my well ordered, busy day! And yet, it is appreciated and quite lovely. It is a reset.

Relevance: Reset

Needleless to say, we live in a stressful time of uncertainty and change. The pressure mounts as we navigate our own challenges while interacting with our family, communities, and nation.  Our daily routines are shifting as nearly every societal system and process changes. Now that’s a lot of change at once! When it all gets too overwhelming, sometimes you need to let go and hit the reset button. Letting go is a form of surrender that can reset your body and mind in very healthy ways.

Practice: Let it out!

Hitting the reset button is a skill you can learn. It’s a personal intervention you can do with yourself and with those you are with.  Here are some ways to reset–

REGROUP: Find a place and a time to regroup. Every day take a break to withdraw your attention from things that stress you out. That can look like having a puzzle you work on in a corner of the house, taking a quick spin around the block, or hugging your pet. 

RELEASE: There are very few things that can uncork the bottle like physical exertion. It doesn’t have to take long and you don’t need to be in shape or athletic. The trick is to vigorously engage the body such that it releases stress. Running, jumping, stretching, or compressing (e.g. yoga)all can help release pent-up energy.  Shouting, cheering, and yelling work also! (be mindful of neighbors of course)

RETREAT: Give yourself some relief from the daily routine by taking extended time away. A one day mental/emotional holiday can make a big difference. Put it on the calendar and stick with it. Visit a favorite natural place, take a long bike or car ride to an inspiring destination, or retreat with a journal, book, or online resource. The point is to get away from all of the responsibilities for one or more days.

RELIEF: It’s okay to cry, shake, or squirm. Yes, that’s right! You may be an adult but you are still an animal.  Did you know that animals, especially prey animals, let go of anxiety and stress by shaking? You can too by just allowing yourself to let the dam of emotion go once in a while. Resisting it can be damaging. So when you feel like you’ve maxed out, there is relief in sight. Shed a tear or two and let your body send a wave of relief cascading through you. Let go and let it out!

Experience:  Falls

Over 75% of falls take place on the way down from the mountain. It’s easy to see why. Once you reach the summit or peak, you are more tired and prone to carelessness. Your mind wanders to the next big task or is caught celebrating the top rather than keeping attention on the trail. The path to mastery though is in the commitment to staying the full course– up and down the mountain.

I wish I could say that this is something I always do, but it’s not. Just this weekend, I biked to the grocery store ready to pick up a few important supplies for the week. I felt good about biking and patted myself on the back for bringing a trailer to carry the groceries. Unfortunately, I forgot my mask. Rather than ride back home, I took my chances and entered the store anyway. This isn’t against the law, I told myself. However, it is certainly way against my beliefs and better judgment. It’s also against my conviction to keep me and my family safe. But I did it anyway!  I fell off the path of integrity.

Relevance: Integrity

Living and working with others is all about reciprocity. Most simply, we make commitments to give something in exchange for another person giving us something in return. Some examples of items to exchange are a task, good, service, or favor. When we give our commitment to this exchange, we promise to carry through on one of these items. It’s like our own personal currency. When we fail to follow-through on the exchange, the value of our currency drops. The more we fulfill on our exchanges, the higher our currency will be. Knowing you can trust this exchange increases the integrity of our relationship.

Integrity is the foundation of all interpersonal, group, and organizational life; the connective tissue that holds it together. The more solid the foundation, the more weight can be placed on it. The reliability stays intact. When we don’t follow through the foundation degrades.  

Practice: Power Spiral

Here are a few ways to keep the foundation of integrity strong.

• Accountability buddy. Find someone to help keep you true to your commitment. Choose a friend, colleague, or family member you trust. Share with them your commitment and set a date to check back with them to make sure you’ve completed or maintained it.
• Displays. Find a heads up way to keep your commitment in front of you. Some examples include a weekly reminder list on our desk, a pop-up computer reminder on the calendar, or even on card slipped behind your bathroom mirror.
• Fess up. Just like I did in this blog, if you fall off your commitment, share it with someone else. Take time to clean up the impact, forgive yourself, and recommit to future integrity. This isn’t about self-flagellation, think of it as repair work.
• Power Spiral. Completing or fulfilling a commitment gives a boost of power. You can feel it in your body. Make it a practice to tune into this feeling of power rising as you maintain or achieve your most important commitments. Notice also the reduction in power if you fall off. In this way, you can train the body to reinforce integrity. It builds an upward power spiral.

Experience:  Egg

A couple of weeks ago, our family inherited three full-grown hens; by choice. Studiously, my wife Dawn read chicken books and blogs to figure out feeding, bedding, and other details.  I found a simple but sturdy set of plans for a nice sized chicken run. We took all day Saturday to build the spacious run and fastened it to the coop that came along with the birds. By the time Saturday night came around, we had transferred our new flock into their home. We fell asleep completely exhausted and yet completely contented.

Waking up Easter Sunday, our children leaped from bed early to check on the new brood. One of the chickens was squawking loudly and pacing across the run. Then her pace quickened and her squawking lengthened into cries. There was nervousness among the other birds. We urbanized humans were concerned as well. The chicken we call “Hei Hei” from the Disney Movie Moana darted in and out of the chicken coop. And then it happened just like an Easter miracle: a large Teal-colored egg dropped into the sandy bedding of the coop. We cradled it like a newborn baby and took it inside.  Cracking open the shell, we wondered what we would find. Out came a double yolk.

Relevance:  Nature        

Nature gives continuously. From bees to trees, from worms to ferns, there is ceaseless participation of working units to create healthy soil, fresh air, fertile plants, and nourishing food. Stop for a moment to ponder it all: a bounty of gifts from an unfathomable number of hard working agents here on Earth. They don’t ask for thanks, which makes the whole dance of life even more remarkable. The system isn’t motivated by concepts. It’s fueled by vast networks of intricate reciprocity far too grand to behold. And if we take a moment to fathom it, we humans must be overwhelmed with gratitude for what we are given freely. When we do, we may become. if only for a moment. an awe-struck beneficial partner in the dance. When we don’t, the gifts are at risk of fading away.

Practice:  Gratitude

On this fiftieth anniversary of Earth Day, take time to relish nature with your gratitude. Here are ways you can contribute to the bounty of life:
1) WITNESS WONDER: Take a walk outside and revel in it all. Leave your devices behind. Touch a plant, smell a flower, and hear the birds. Then ask a question: how do I want to express my gratitude? Journal, draw, or talk to a friend about what comes up.
2) CHURN N’ LEARN: It’s okay to be overwhelmed with what’s happening to the planet. If you’re not, you’re not looking hard enough. Continue on your quest to understand what you can do to make a positive impact. Attend a lecture, read a book, check out a nature series online. It’s okay to shed a tear or become enraged. Education reconnects us with what is wild and supercharges our desire to participate.

3) HELPING ACTS: Find a way to assist in nature’s dance. Maybe you start a compost bin to create rich soil in the backyard. Perhaps you plant a few plants that attract pollinators like bees. Consider something larger like putting in a rain barrel to capture and reuse rainwater water from your roof top or installing solar power cells on your house.

Let us live with helpful acts of gratitude that support life. On this and every day, happy Earth Day!